I have had some really good days. Often, better than I think I deserve. Conversely, I have had some really bad days. As I looked this morning at On This Day I was reminded of what I already knew. Reminded may not be the right word as I will never forget the 24+ hours (I believe I was awake for 40 straight hours!) of December 8-9, 2011. I won't rehash the events, but just a few thoughts about the look back.
Throughout the day I remember thinking I was alone. Tracie was in the operating room fighting to live and I was by myself in the waiting room at Mass. General. But was I alone? Looking back the answer is absolutely not. Reading the responses to the few posts I made on that day I know that so many people were with me, with us. In the hours, days, and years that have passed since then I know how my family got through the entire ordeal. The thoughts and prayers of our family and friends carried us along. I may have been by myself, but I was never alone.
When Dr. Moore told me things weren't going well and I should bring the kids in, I made a few calls. Very few because I was trying to keep that news close until I could tell our family the news. But I had to tell schools and a couple of other people, and naturally the news snowballed. In the time it took me to gather the kids and bring them to MGH to say goodbye to Tracie, I got inundated with messages of hope and prayer. I didn't read many of the messages until later, and I remember that through the tears I tried to answer each of you.
Tracie, the warrior that she is, won her battle to stay alive and came home to us on Christmas Eve. I saw her briefly following the LVAD surgery and I remember thinking that she looked like she had been in a war. She was, she fought for her life. A few days later when she was able to sit up and talk I showed her every message and told her about every phone call. We were, and still are, awed by the intensity of the love that was shown.
Fortunately, those dark days are behind us. It's difficult not to think about it. It was very real and it was terrifying. But we made it, with you.